hardening the lines

After a visit to the airport today, life is back to reality. My little family has enjoyed the two weeks spent together but now r&r is over. Poor little Jas. The tears that ran down her face when we left Papa at the airport.

We three were a grumpy sort this morning. I was in the mood to kick kittens and the kidlets are radioactively linked to my emotions so it was a very fun ride home. Then we spent the day doing dishes, laundry, and meandering about the house. We watched a few movies.

I ordered pizza and it was about the worst pizza I’ve ever received. Soaked in grease. Beyond the usual standards of delivery pizza. I imagine when we pull out the leftovers tomorrow they’ll be clumps of fat with pizza hiding underneath. Not even something you’d give to an obnoxious neighbordog.

Bedtime was an hour earlier than normal, and I spent the hours watching The Kingdom of Heaven Directors Cut and Eastern Promises. Both movies were very good, but kind of leave me feeling a bit hollow too. Not something I should have picked for today. But that is the joy of a sporadic Netflix queue.

While I was folding laundry, I was writing up all these drafts in my head and now that I’m in front of a keyboard, naturally they wander off. Feeling listless and frustrated.

The longer I’m a military wife, the more I am frustrated with everything. Politics, lack of peace, firework flagwaving patriots who don’t vote, all this shit about SAVING JOBS by socializing capitalism. The reason you can buy everything cheaper at Walmart is because they buy their stock from countries that have vastly lower standards for their employees. You want to save jobs and stimulate local economy? Don’t shop there.

I’m sick of all the pandering. In all levels of life. From media to comments by people in day to day life. We had a number of people thank Andy at the airport for the sacrifice he is making for our country. And he is. But he isn’t the only one. His two darling children are making a sacrifice too. That’s how you can always tell when someone is a part of the military family. They acknowledge the spouse and children too. We are a unit, he isn’t the only one deployed.

It’s so frustrating. I wish there were more people around here who could relate. I imagine there are, but I’ve no idea where they are. I doubt there is a meetup group for irritated spouses and their children.

All three of us are changing. Becoming stronger, I like to think. Maybe not. Perhaps only more jaded. I can say with certainty that my priorities have vastly changed from where they were a year ago. I guess we’ll see where else life takes us. The new things we’ll learn about ourselves.



a journey

For one of my classes, we got to play with a green screen. I picked a more somber topic and now I kind of regret that I didn’t do as much with it as I could. But that’s no matter. I still enjoyed working on it. Don’t watch if prone to seizures though… My seemingly steady hand looks very jerky when sped up and ran backwards. =D


A Journey ~ youtube

The whole time I was putting it together, I kept coming up with alterations I would have made when shooting the footage. Mostly angle changes. And I would have found a better actress than myself. Because after the beginning its mostly boring.

Not looking forward to presenting it to the class in a few hours. Fahhhh. Anyway.



zomg

frog

My toothbrush frog is totally channeling my emotions right now. Hyper placid WOO! Still haven’t named him yet… thinking Tyrion.



lots of things

tv:
trueblood.
Just finished watching the season finale. GREATLY SADDENED! I knew some characters were going to be offed because, this is True Blood. It happens. I figured Debbie was gone and while I liked Jesus, we knew Lala couldn’t have his happy ending. But TARA?????? NO! I confess, I’ve never read those Stackhouse books by Ms Harris so I’ve mostly been flying by the seat of my pants here, but I was hoping Tara would turn into the Bon Temps Buffy of True Blood. After all that shit with Franklin? Come ON! And when she met up with Marnie? I was like ALRIGHT! It’s going to HAPPEN! HANDLE YOUR BUSINESS!

And then, not so much. Although I have a strong feeling that she’s coming back as a zombie. Every new season we get a new super-creature and with Arlene’s outfit it feels like classic True Blood foreshadowing.

So I’m excited and SAD and longing for next summer already. Also, looking forward to reading recaps. The one on io9 is particularly fun, especially the comments. Should be posted tomorrow!

books:
a song of fire & ice.
I’m currently on A Feast for Crows but I’ve been reading them on my Kindle lightning speed so I forget what happens in which particular book but IT IS GREAT. READ IT. THIS IS ME TELLING YOU TO GET THE BOOK AND SKIP LAUNDRY AND OTHER BASIC THINGS TO READ IT. WHO NEEDS SLEEP WHEN THERE IS TEA? Favorite characters are kind of hard to choose since they keep getting killed off but Arya Stark & Tyrion Lannister have my heart. Here’s to hoping they don’t die off!

I haven’t started watching the tv show yet [Game of Thrones] as I’m waiting to watch that with Andy on his R&R but I’ve been watching clips on youtube and reading on tumblr and damn near everyplace on the web. I’m so excited for it! Fans of the book love it and usually that is good enough for me. Fans don’t let fans watch bad shows without fair warning. [ala Dead Like Me's Movie... avoid and save yourself heart ache]

kindle.
Get yourself one. For Christmas or something. I never thought I’d like them because I like solid actual books but I LOVE this thing. Breastfeeding is way easier because I don’t have to rest a book on Cody’s head anymore. He never really liked that. Especially when I was working on the Eragon series. Plus the library of out of copyright books is divine. All free and most of them you’d want to reread anyhow.

life:
four year olds.
The Jasbaz was always the most wonderful little child from birth to age three. She got a bit more cantankerous, as is a child’s nature around that age. But FOUR? Going on FIVE?

Takes all my willpower to handle everything. Like how you do discipline a child after she shampoos her brother’s hair with refried beans while he was in his crib, supposedly taking a nap? I don’t… even… words fail. Eyes kind of flair up, brain starts this weird cackling laugh and I’m like I NEED TEA, TEA AND PATIENCE AND SOMETHING ELSE I DON’T KNOW WHAT. Everything she does is so random and artish that I feel like HEY STOP THAT but also kind of appreciate the insanity of it. I remember chewing gum and then sticking it on the bathroom door at my parents house in shapes thinking I was making something new and different. Parents were not amused. Jas is DOING THIS TO ME. KARMA! Or pent-up creativity. Which wouldn’t be so bad but you know what, I really liked my nail polish collection. I had it put up and away on purpose. I appreciate that you liked the colors but for fucks sake don’t paint the carpet and walls with it!

My friend was down from Chicago when that happened and we talked about it after and she was amazed at how I observed and wandered into the kitchen to make breakfast. Jas and I had a chat about it after but what does a parent do in that sort of situation? Beating her seems hyper extreme and while I love my nail polish and walls and carpet, screaming and acting like a banshee doesn’t seem appropriate either. It’s not like I leave this stuff out either. She searched it out, willfully. There was intention there.

wisdom teeth.
Getting all four done (hopefully) on Thursday. Not looking forward to that. A nice balm on the situation is that I get to hang out with a really great friend and have a medicated vacation. But really. A lady shouldn’t have to drive to Chicago to find an oral surgeon in network. Fuck you, Tricare Dental preferred networks. Way to ignore the entire center of the state.

It seems to me that if a preferred provider can’t be found within 100 miles of your house, there should be some sort of compensation made. I shouldn’t have to vacation to get my wisdom teeth taken out. Especially with kids and mi amor overseas. That is fucked up.

But the prospect of waiting is not worth it because I saw my xrays and there is no way I’m letting my upper wisdoms fuck up my other teeth. No way. My vanity has a hard enough time stomaching glasses and acne, the thought of adult braces and a retainer? No way. I’ve burned some CDs and we will get this handled by the weeks end, one way or another.

styleblogging.
Not sure if I’m going to keep with this or not. I like the idea but then I nitpick on my appearance as I sort through photos. Kind of like the old saying, I need to learn to love myself. So I am trying to keep this going because fashion is fun and probably in thirty years I’ll be sad if I didn’t document this time frame. Apparently it all goes downhill from here?! Not looking forward to that!

knitting.
Started a scarf for myself! Finally. It’s a lovely autumn colorblend with red, orange, yellow, green, and brown. Like fall leaves. =) I’m excited about it. Nothing special, just the knit stitch on and on and on. But I like it that way. I want to start cabling but I think I’ll wait for another scarf. I need something to wear for this winter and I’m running short on time.

website-wise.
I’ve also been thinking about removing most everything off caotica.org and reworking it all. I’ve been taking this web accessibility class and… well. I feel like I haven’t really evolved with the rest of my webbretheren. Most of them breathe php, javascript, and beyond whereas I’m still at the same level I’ve been for a few years now. And I feel like my site shows that. So while I love it, I have that fleeting feeling of REBUILDING and making things different and better. Because at the end of the day, I run this place for me. And right now looking at it makes me sad. I’ve tweaked my journal but all the rest is up for an overhaul. Whenever I find the free time, that is. I have homework PILING up. =\ Speaking of…

Also, I took off comments temporarily since I figured most of us chatter on fb, twitter, or through email. I’ll put them back after the semester is over. Fyi. =) If you have some ideas on the four year old situation, HIT ME UP WITH SOME ADVICE. Usually I don’t take it, but I’d like to hear it all the same.



what is happening… just go with it

erin in outfit picture

I’ve always wanted to dabble in the whole style blogging thing, but wtf I am terrible at this picture taking business. My cell phone is terrrible quality and my posing is… ridiculous. So! With that in mind…

Brown skirt / Threadless T / Fluffy brown jacket / GREEN FLOWER HAIRCLIP in a terrible angle. It’s actually very pretty & ties everything together. Trust.

I need to be less lazy in the mornings and put in my contacts… eh. From Thursday! I think…

I should break out my Nikon and tripod with this. But I’d have to do it at school after I’ve dropped off the kids… not going to lie, I think my free time is cheating on me with someone else. It never shows up, never calls. WTF free time? We used to be so good together. Back in grade school during the summer, good times. =(

erin in a different outfit picture

Another decentish shot. You’d think with as many as I took that the flower would actually be visible, but no. Next time! Maybe. Hopefully. Or else it’s back to haiku. Or maybe BOTH. I haven’t decided yet.