Few things entertain me as much as overwrapping gifts. Lucky for most people, I don’t bestow overly wrapped gifts on just anybody. Mostly just those who I enjoy tormenting. So usually relatives. Or… Andy.

So this is kind of a test, kind of a HAHAINYOURFACE moment. I have them. It’s true.

He’s been bugging me about sending his xbox so he can play it at his work and if there is one thing I’m lethargic about, it’s sending items. So for the past two months I’ve received no less than ten texts about this xbox.

I’m sending it today.

I also made sure to use half a roll of clear duck tape to wrap it with. To deter thieves and irritating husbands.

=D

I’m about to wrap it in Christmas wrapping paper so that the glossy tape wrapping won’t be as obvious.

Hehe.

I must say, I’ve come to enjoy reading my spam messages. They called me beautiful. Plus the disjointed compliments are always entertaining:

Advantageously, the post is really the best on this laudable topic. I harmonize with your conclusions and will thirstily look forward to your incoming updates. Just saying thanks will not just be enough, for the great clarity in your writing. I will instantly grab your rss feed to stay abreast of any updates.Good work and much success in your business endeavors!Thank you very much.

We are HARMONIZING! Love it.

But that wasn’t the reason I brought up little ole wordpress to tip tap on some keys. No. Not at all. Although it was a lovely bonus. I was planning on ranting about Mother Nature’s love of rainstorms and crazy weather in general. Oh and furry dependents. Otherwise I’d just be like ‘yay my rainbarrel is filling up!’ (And it is!)

It seems like each time I give Kayla a bath, it rains. And while that usually wouldn’t be a big issue, last Sunday night she got out of the gate while out for her evening bathroom break. Since we have awesome neighbors, I came home on Monday afternoon to find her lounging on our front porch, tail a-wagging. Unfortunately she was also infested with fleas.

The f-word.

Of course, I didn’t notice at the time because that would have made all this easier to deal with. No, I just noticed that she was very muddy and thankfully didn’t have tire tracks decorating her limbs.

Due to a crazy hectic schedule, it was Thursday night when I dropped her spindly limbs into the bathtub and cleaned her up. I noticed fleas. Gross, nasty, tiny fleas. I killed all the ones I saw by rolling them under my fingernails and slicing the bastards in half, but still. We all know that they weren’t just on her. They had moved on to the carpet, her dogbed, the chairs as well. Probably everywhere. Filthy ingrates.

I washed her and then applied some more of the flea repellent line down the back stuff. The next night while she is outside, it pours. Mud everywhere. All of her paws and underside. Of course.

So I wash her again. The day after, it rains. Again. Muddy paws and underside.

It’s not even like she’s outside all day. Usually it’s just a few hours. Two in the morning and two at night, unless we have the day off and are playing outside. 4/24 hours is a 1/6. Better odds than the lottery, sure. But in a span of four days? Bah.

Tomorrow I’m going to flea bomb the house. I so should have done it Sunday, but it was rainy and I can’t have the animals in the house while we do it. There is a 50% chance of thunderstorms so I’m going to have to figure out something.

Also, I’m not looking forward to bathing the cat. Short term scratches are preferable to flea bites though, so Sir Sunshine Maple Syrup will be scrubbed thoroughly and he will like it. And Kayla will get lucky bath number four.

I don’t know where she went when she got out, but if she goes back again she can just stay there. I don’t have time or patience for this.

It has been a long time since I’ve written anything that I’ve found vaguely amusing and at class today I had the luxury of discovering an old essay I wrote in 2005 for my english class. Aside from finding a few odd phrases and some redundancy, I like it. I miss when I wrote up stuff like this.

But without further ado:

Most people regard public transportation as an ineffective tool to get around the city. I know that I did at first. The idea of waiting around for a bus to arrive when I could be doing things did not appeal to me. But over the past few weeks, my view has morphed into appreciation.

City buses prowl the streets of most major cities and occasionally some of the smaller ones. Even before I moved to Metropolis, they were always a familiar sight. The blundering beasts of machinery that drove too slowly and made inappropriate stops to pick up civilians frequently made getting where I wanted to go in a hurry quite difficult. I depended on my friends for rides to places I would like to go and if that wouldn’t work, I would borrow my parents’ car.

The prospect of using public transportation never appealed to me for several reasons. I tend to be an extremely lazy person and drawing out an extensive plan based on the path the buses took would take time and effort. I would have had to organize where I planned on going and then select the bus which would take me there as well as plan the time I wanted to leave so that I could make it on time. My highlighter was infuriated with its overuse. This didn’t reflect my “go with the flow” mentality, where I tend to change my plans on a whim and wander around according to my emotions.

My friends would take me wherever I wanted to go for free, in exchange for company, so the idea of paying to go somewhere was laughable. Enjoy a nice time with friends and get where I need to go or sit with strangers and take the long way? I preferred answer A.

Most places it is necessary to pay once one arrives, so that would cost me even more. As a high school student, I couldn’t afford to be paying to go places and then waiting around. I had seemingly important things to do. There were clothing sales to attend to and friends to visit. I did approve of the benefits of public transportation, but I was already using them by carpooling with others.

It was only when I moved out on my own that I seriously considered using the bus systems. When one moves to a new city, everything is different and knowledge of where to go and how to get there just doesn’t exist. There are bizarre one way streets that turn up and force split second U-turns and quite a stressful few moments. One must sit down and memorize the entire map of Metropolis to figure out how to get anywhere.

An added difficulty is going off to college, as one is financially hindered so that purchasing a car will not fit in the budget. Even if I did purchase a car, insurance payments as well as maintenance would rival with my bills for school. School and its components are quite a bit more important than a car.

My previous backup plan of inviting friends along for the ride was impossible, as now I know only a few people. Most of my contacts were family members with their own lives so they couldn’t cart me around like I was used to. They have families and lives to attend to. I had to find a solution for myself, so I turned to public transportation.

The first step is locating a bus near ones home or starting point. I found a stop right off of Main Street and promptly got on, grabbing a map as I went. The entire time I rode the bus, I was decoding the map and then transferring to different buses so that I could ride them all and get an understanding of where they went.

This system worked its magic and as I read through the brochure, I noticed just why it would work for me. I would have time to study while waiting for the bus and riding. There was a snazzy student pass I could buy and pay half price, which my wallet appreciated. The poor thing almost jumped for joy. I could also meet interesting, new people while riding the bus, and I wouldn’t have to worry about buying a car and paying car insurance, or the massive school parking lot dilemma. The idea of trudging through metallic fields of cars to find my nonexistent one and then driving around the one way street for miles just to get home, while the corn fields taunted me with their familiarity, was painful. I don’t know my way around and paying fantastic gas prices because I got lost or found an amazingly long way home would not work out.

As a proud user of the public system for a total of seven days, I would say that I heartily approve of it now. I even recommend using it to others. The familiar sight of a purple and white bus crashing down the street almost brings a smile to my face. I know that I will make it to my destination within a certain amount of time, and I don’t have to worry about missing a turn or dropping the map and swerving off the road, which would have been likely to happen had I been driving. I prefer to let the drivers find their way around seeing as how they know generally where they are going.

The fare of $5 a week for 10 chauffeured rides anywhere I like is excellent, plus I always have new people to get to know. The bus can almost be compared to a luxury cruise throughout the city, with plush plastic chairs and a barely there cushion which adds to the overall style of the place. There are also the vibrant ads which always provide interesting brain stimulation such as pondering whether to blame work for an injury and if suing is the best alternative. The ride is never boring and somehow I always manage to get exactly where I want to be.

I used to write like this on purpose for essays, just to see what kind of comments the professor would write. You know they have to get bored reading through stacks of essays that sound the same. Throw in some snarky verbs and adjectives and you’ve got yourself a distraction. History teachers love it.

I wish I had a copy of an essay I wrote for my last english class in high school. It was a great one where I compared the school parking lot to a graveyard. It was enjoyable, even if it sounds odd by the description. =D

Anyway. Time to get off this school computer and head home to kidlets and a comfy bed.

After talking to the pizza delivery guy, who told me about tornadoes headed in this general direction, I heard screams. Scary scary shit. Until I realized that it was coming from my computer speakers and the movie UP that I had put on for Jas.

=O

Still. We’ll be munching on our pizza downstairs, just in case. Time for a feel good movie. Ever After, Forrest Gump, or Erin Brokovich. Decisions, decisions.

I’m not up on all the cool net lingo, but where did the slang lame sauce come from? All the sauce. I’m so confused. What is your origin, sauce?

Glee’s episode ‘Dream On’ has a flash mob sing-a-long. Also known as, one of the best things ever. Which reminds me of this one courtesy of Belgium. This is what the internet was made for.

Sure it may have started because us Americans are paranoid sumbitches, but THIS is what it is meant for. Bringing joy to those of us stuck at a desk when it is raining outside. Impromptu song and dance.

Random updates:

• Still no response from the professor even though I sent a follow up email. Um.
• The Jas is adapting well to the diaper/pull up fatwa
• Speaking of Gossip Girl references, I am wearing a head scarf today a la SvdW. It is perfect for rushed mornings when there isn’t time to shower. Covers the roots, keeps the hair back, and adds a nice pop of color.
• At work we’ve been getting even more inventive scammers calling in. Plucky little bastards.
• Yesterday I went and helped set up a basic template in Dreamweaver. They like it, simple as it is. Plus the lady I trained is doing pretty well filling in the rest. We accomplished a LOT in two and a half hours.
• People came in while we were working and kept asking what I did (secretary of doom). And they asked why I started doing this, and when. Yeh gods, almost ten years ago. Plus I was wearing my geekeh glasses. I felt like such a geek. But a valuable and appreciated one. So it’s all cool because if there is one thing I treasure, it’s feeling appreciated.
• Back when I was an intern for city hall, I did in person tutorials on building websites and I really enjoyed it. I forgot how much until yesterday. Maybe once I get my degree I’ll start doing that. Not in a classroom, but for hire to local businesses. The best part is when you’ve finished and you can tell that the information has clicked. Their eyes light up and you can tell they are thinking about what else they can do with this new knowledge. That is worth more than gold. I’d have to come up with a nice title for the position. And perhaps work out some sort of discount agreement for purchasing programs. Rather than be paid hourly, I could have a set rate for instruction by program based on skill level…
• This reminds me that I still have to record my podcast on making a podcast. But I want to figure out some sort of jingle to use with it.
• Which reminds me that the batteries in the piano (technically a keyboard but when I think keyboard I think… not a musical one) are dead and need to be recharged. I need to just purchase a replacement charger (7 volts, if I remember correctly) for it. Jas has a habit of turning it on, playing, and then wandering off.
• Today is a good day for knitting. Or curling up on the couch and sleeping. But seeing as how I’m at work, I’ll settle for reading hilarious quotes from Archer.