We picked out our costumes a little early this year so that we could get some fun pictures together. This picture is why I love mirrors. Family shot circa September 2011.

—

The kidlets and I went to a fun Halloween event tonight. I decided against my pretty Indian dress because it was kind of chilly out. So I wore my warm fleece Fae jacket. Added a leafy diadem and BOOM! Instant costume. Cody got some comfy red sweatpants and Jas wore her jacket.

But even with our costumes ready and tickets in hand, it was still a rather shitty time. The lights twinkled, there was music in the air, and people around us were all having fun. We wandered around, stood in lines, observed the attractions. But it felt so awkward, like we were in a bubble.

Cody was a bit sleepy irritable so I carried him the entire time. But Jas spent most of her time asking questions about when we’d get the candy, what was this, what was that, where is the candy, et cetera et cetera et cetera. When she wasn’t questioning the composition of the universe, she was staring around gloomily.

We rode a spooky train ride after waiting about an hour. It’s funny how that wait was the most enjoyable time I had. There were poi performers and I was cracking jokes with the dad behind us. Watching the poi made me miss color guard, especially when they broke out the hoops. It looked like so much fun. Although when one of the guys dropped one of the poi I was surprised the whole field didn’t go up in flames. Smokey the bear would have been pissed. Also, me.

After the mildly frightening train ride, we got in the line to trick or treat to discover that I must have dropped my tickets. The lady in charge of that section assured me that it wouldn’t be a problem. But still, kind of whack that you have to have tickets when you have to pay to get in to the event. It’s kind of a hard place to sneak into, I doubt anyone would do it for the candy.

So we make our way but then Jas won’t even talk to the people to ask them for candy. The traditional ‘Trick or Treat!’. She just dodged behind me. Kind of obnoxious as she was just fine before. So I said it for her, got two pieces of candy, and we went to the next one. I thought she might just have been nervous about talking to the first person so perhaps the second would be better. But she wouldn’t ask them either.

By this time I’d been carrying Cody the dragon around for about two hours and my temper was fraying so I just grabbed her hand and we made our way back to the car. If trick or treating was beyond her, it was beyond me too. I figured it’d be best for us to just go home.

I think it was. But I still feel sad for her. I know she is having a hard time with Andy being gone, which is why I’m trying harder for us to do different things.

I signed her up for two different classes and neither one worked out especially well. She enjoyed her dance class for a few sessions and then refused to go anymore. The ice skating class went even less well. She went to two out of four classes, but only actively skated at the first one. We bought cute Hello kitty gloves to try and make it special and I was going to take pictures that we could print out and show Andy. But still. She wanted no part of it after her second class.

I asked her about it and she said she’d like to learn to play the game with the ball and the nets. Which… based on additional clues, I think she means baseball? I dunno. But this spring, maybe I can get her in tball. It’s important to have a fun hobby on the side and I want her to be able to try different things, so I don’t mind so much that she doesn’t want to dance or ice skate in a formal setting, I just worry that there is a lot more going on under the surface causing her to drift away from them.

She’s not a baby anymore. She’s a girl. And I know from experience, we are very layered creatures. She’s counting down to February, just like me.

Before Andy left, we got to go to a fun Harry Potter themed event. Highly entertaining!

Jas hates Hagrid. And the Death Eaters. And most everything, if we’re being honest. I can’t even go to Lowe’s this time of year because all the decorations in Lawn and Gardens freak her out. It’s okay though. I’m sure she won’t stay a tenderheart forever. One day I’ll get her to ride rollercoasters with me.