The next thing I remember was being lifted off the rolley gurney type deal they operated me on, to the hospital bed. Before they could lift me up and move me, they had to put this big corset-like wrap around my torso to keep me flat and the stitches safe. I remember a dull aching pain and just wanting to roll over and go to sleep. When they set me up on the hospital bed, they left a huge pitcher of ice water on the tray next to me and I was asleep in seconds.
I don’t remember how long I slept, just that it was a good bit, but probably until noon the next day. Seeing as how Jasbaz was born two months early, the doctors transfered her to a hospital in our city that specializes in bitty babies since our own hospital was booked up with bitty babies. Andy went with her the whole way and got to see her first smile.
Her very first portrait was taken with our camera phone by Andy. She was only in the oxygen bubble for the first few hours, then she got upgraded to breathing regular oxygen like the rest of us. I think he stayed with her that whole first night but the truth is that the first three days were really hazy. Everything after seeing nurse Mary’s face as they lifted up the fabric shield around my belly was kind of blurry.
Apparently people had entire conversations with me that I don’t even remember. The pain-killer drugs and things they gave me really knocked me around seeing as how I don’t ever, ever use medication. Oh well, it was the right time and place for it! I just remember being in dull pain and having nurses poke and prod my arms every few hours when they came to check on me. I’m glad they weren’t expecting conversation.
I started to ‘uncloud’ around dinner time. I’d been awake for a good bit but it was the kind of awake where you really aren’t there and just kind of want to go back to sleep. That lasted for a few hours because I sleep best on my side and there was no way I was going to turn over and try it. I was afraid stitches would pop, organs would fly, and death would come on swift wings.
Andy and some other relatives were there, I think. I just remember being inside my head bitching about how I wanted to sleep and sleeping on my back was way too hard since I’d gotten used to sleeping on my side for five months. After having surgery, sleep is serious business. After what seemed like hours, I finally managed to nod off.
The next morning I actually drank out of the huge pitcher of water that the nurses had left for me. And every hour when one would pop her head in the door, she’d smile and bustle over to it, swiping it off to get it refilled with cold ice and water. They were very diligent about that.
I also remember eating a LOT of apples. For each meal tray I’d put a bunch of checks in front of the Apple on the Menu. I had the most bizarre and EXTREME craving for apples. Lucky for me, they always brought me a bunch. I swear I ate at least a dozen before I went home.
It was a four day stay total and very enjoyable in a bland, okay there’s nothing left to do so it’s time to go back to sleep kind of way. Andy slept in the hospital bed next to me since I had my own room. My sister-in-law brought me a pink rose and one of our other relatives got Andy a pack of those Peppermint Cigars that say Congratulations It’s A Girl on them. We also were given two preemie outfits by kind relatives who realized that she just wouldn’t fit into the clothes for regular babies that we’d gotten at our baby shower.
I finally met Jasbaz in person on her third day of life. My hospital’s security drove us over to the other hospital so that I could see her. It was a big ordeal with wheelchairs and helping me in and out of the car because I’m the biggest wimp in the universe and the thought that my guts could burst out onto the sidewalk had me in a slight panic. But I made it safely all the way up to the NICU where the little one was staying.
She had pretty sweet accomodations with nurses bustling and fussing over her 24/7. There were monitors, screens, high tech gizmos, sign in forms, identification was needed (although I was tempted to lift my nightie and show them the C-section scar because HELLO I gave birth to her so let me see her now – instead I handed over my Drivers license), and there was a long involved scrub down procedure. The nurses handed you this scrubby brush with long bristles, started the timer, and you washed your hands until the timer went off. Or else.
Jasbaz was snoozing in a nice big plastic case that had these big rubber arms you could use to touch her with. All sorts of wires were hooked up to her feet and hands and there was a small knit cap on her head. The whole set up was rather ironic in that the most precious little bundle had a cute little hat on and was surrounded by big bad technology, but that they realized her special qualities and kept her locked in a box safe from harm.
Regardless, I felt rather weird looking in at her, this little person that had changed my life so much already. I didn’t even really know her but I loved her. Her tiny little hands, the way her chest lifted when she breathed, her tiny toes, and her itty bitty outfit in purple. The color of royalty and majesty. She was so tiny and delicate, looking for all the world like a doll in the Smithsonian except with wires going everywhere.
Andy was all giddy showing me how the big gloved hands worked and explaining what all the machines around her cage were. This one tracked her heart rate, her breathing rate, her blood pressure. They were all hooked up to purple patches on her chest and a bandaid type wrap on her foot tracking everything simultaneously, hidden from view by her outfit except for the wires poking through.
The nurse came over and gushed to me about how cute she was and asked if I’d like to get her out and hold her. Honestly, at first I was tempted to tell her to just keep her in there because she was sleeping so peacefully. And I was afraid something would happen to her. She just seemed so delicate, immaculate. I nodded even despite these fears because I did want to say hello and see her up close. Feel her fingers and play with her dark hair. Give her a hug since I hadn’t seen or felt her in three days since she’d been hanging out curled up with me.
She opened the case up and maneuvered the wires before picking up my baby. She cradled her and instructed me as to how to hold her best so that she’d be comfortable and not set off any of the alarm wires, then she placed her in my arms. The flannel sheep in the picture are the design on my nightie. Keeping it real.
I just looked at her for the longest time, trying to memorize everything about her. Trying to see if this was really real or if this was some elaborate hoax and I’d wake up the next morning with my baby still in my belly. The nurse wandered away and we cuddled together as a new family with Jasbaz in my arms and Andy draped across my shoulder inching as close to her as he could. She’s magnetic. She pulls everyone close to her. Still does.
– to be continued
